I need a beeroso

A friend of mine once revealed that in a moment of drunkness she requested a "beeroso." Apparently, after a few cervezas, beeroso becomes the Spanish word for beer. This story has always cracked me up, so I have adopted beeroso into my personal vernacular.

Tonight, I need about 100 (cien, I believe) beerosos. But I can't have that many, so I will settle for one. The PA bar did not go well. Not knowing the law makes the test harder. Plus, the multistate questions didn't seem to focus on the same things they did a few years ago. And personal issues still occupy the majority of my thoughts.

So pass me that beeroso.

The 79th Annual Academy Awards, starring Al Gore

I watched the Oscars last night in their entirety, something I have never done. I have never sat there and watched from the host's intro to the best picture award. Of course, I was supposed to be studying, so I tuned in.

And Al Gore was all over the joint. He spoke about the Oscars being "green" this year, his movie won some awards, he made jokes about running for President, he hung out with Leonardo DiCaprio, Tipper got a shout out...

I have no snappy political commentary on Al's role in the Academy Awards. I am just an observer, so I though I would point it out.

Wish me luck on the bar. I seriously need it.

Freshly Hatched?

On the plane on Friday (yes, J and I flew cross-country again), while waiting to use the restroom to change a diaper, a man looked at us and asked "freshly hatched?" I assumed he was talking about Jillian, so I answered with her age. But this question gave me the willies for some reason. Freshly hatched? That seems gross, too intimate for some weird reason, or like I split open ala that scene at the end of Spaceballs with the dancing alien from the stomach. (That was Spaceballs, right?).

Anyway, I don't think I like that term.

Feeling Low

I am trying to study for the bar. Unfortunately, I am really distracted. I sit for about an hour wondering how I wound up in this position, then I finally turn to the exciting world of PA Civil Procedure.

I don't think anything can save me from failing. I thought about giving up studying and praying for the next few days, like the way Christian Scientists go about curing disease. But as I am not a believer in that way of approaching things, I will crack open the books.

Or, apparently, procrastinate by blogging.

For reasons that I am not sharing on this particular blog, I feel pretty low. So in the spirit of feeling better and in an attempt to channel Stuart Smalley, here are some good things about me, as decided by me. I understand that some of you may not agree.

- I have a very cute baby
- I have great friends and family. That such awesome people are in my life has to be evidence that I am ok too.
- I am capable of earning a living on my own
- I have good hair and teeth.
- I can remember what you were wearing when I first met you.
- I was the best reader in my sixth grade class
- I am not the prettiest, funniest, smartest, etc. but I am not the ugliest, dumbest, or most dim-witted either.
- I won the award for outstanding achievement in physical education as a senior in high school.
- If we play a game, I will probably win. Especially if it is charades.
- Even though I am easily replaced, it is ok that I am not ready to date.
- I apparently have no shame as I post stuff like this. I may delete this post before the night is over.

Alright all, wish me luck.

I stayed true to myself.

I am kind of sick of excuses for bad behavior or sucking at things. It seems that a new one these days is "I stayed true to myself." Well, that is fine and dandy, but it doesn't mean you can act like an arse or win American Idol with a sucky performance.

So file "I stayed true to myself" with "I was drunk" in the "that's no excuse" round filing cabinet.

And now for your viewing pleasure - a clean baby.

No Warp Zones

Does anyone remember how on the old school Nintendo game Super Mario Bros., you could take warp zones to jump from world 3 to 6 or something? They were basically green pill bottles you could go down and pop up in a world alittle closer to the princess. Warp zones made it easier to beat the game.

After saving the princess using the warp zones, I remember trying to do it without using them. That is, go through the entire game, worlds one through ten, to get to the end. It made it more of a challenge.

Well, I have decided that taking the PA bar with almost no studying is like choosing to not use warp zones. I have passed bars in the past, arguably harder bars, by studying. Studying is the warp zone. Now I am going to test my skillz by choosing not to study. I am not going down that little green pill bottle.

Unfortunately, failing the bar has more severe consequences than failing to save the two dimensional princess in Super Mario Bros. Oh well.

Dipping my pinky toe into the world of coffee addiction then diving in head first

I have never been a coffee drinker. I like the smell of coffee, I like going to coffee shops, eating coffee ice cream, but have never craved a cup of joe or drank it on even a semi-regular basis.

Until now.

I started having peppermint mochas during the holiday season. This went on for a few years, but I would always revert to my general indifference towards coffee. This year, I can't quit. I stopped the peppermint mochas in favor of vanilla lattes, then I dropped the vanilla and found myself happy with just a latte. I was working my way towards the coffee bean in a purer form. Now, I just get coffee. Gone are the flavor distractions, the fancy foams and various garnishes. I have been effectively weaned off the flavors that were previously necessary for me to be interested in coffee/espresso drinks.

Now there is no point in disguising what I am really after - the coffee itself. My full transformation into a coffee drinker is complete. And I realized today that this transformation will actually save me $$. A cup of coffee is about 1/3 the cost of a vanilla latte. Now Jillian can go to college.

And yes, I did write this second post today to temper the seriousness of the last post and take my mind off of things.

I'm Not Gonna Lie - I am sad today

For some reason, today has been a sad day for me. I had trouble sleeping last night and caught an episode of Law & Order at 5:30 a.m. after waking up from a bad dream. It is in those moments that things seem to suck the most. And in the shower, because that is where I let myself cry each day.

Sometimes I am desperate to feel better. I think that is how I feel right now, that is why I am writing. Like in some pathetic way, someone will read this and share a magic way for me to stop feeling sad. Or maybe Oprah's staff will read it and invite me for a day of pampering and a make-over or something.* My family and friends have been absolutely awesome, don't get me wrong. I don't know where I would be without them.

But I am still waiting for that day that I don't cry in the shower.


*These feelings are not coming from a place of self-pity. Plus, I know that there are people more deserving of a treat courtesy of the big O. I think I may treat myself to the make-over as a fresh start anyway. If anyone has thoughts on new hair styles, please do share....or I may shave my head like fellow divorcee, Britney Spears.

My dreams dashed...

I just saw about 30 seconds of VH1's the White Rapper Show. In this brief time, I learned that "a true MC can peace out about any item at any time." I can only peace out (I think that is what they said) about certain items; namely dirty diapers, stubborn babies, and tummy time.

Here is a free-style about the picture above:

DAMN! I am a cute baby!
Sittin' in my funny chair
don't be hatin' cuz I ain't got hair
And if you don't got a poncho you can just get to steppin'.

Ok, so I will never be an MC of any kind. Sigh.

Sling/Bugaboo Dichotomy of Mom and Me Yoga

As mentioned yesterday, there is a high sling count at mom and me yoga. Yet, there is also a high number of bugaboo strollers. For those of you not "in the know" re: overpriced baby gear, bugaboo strollers cost upwards of $800. I looked into them and discovered that they aren't really worth price - shocking I know.

Anyway, the point is that yoga class seems to attract people from the sling minded sect and people from the overpriced, status oriented stroller minded sect. Very interesting. At least, very interesting when one is supposed to be studying real property. I just don't care about fee simple determinables, I can't make myself care for the third time.

Happy Valentine's Day...or whatever

So today is Valentine's Day, a holiday I don't really care about - whether I am in a relationship or not. I have had good Valentine's days, bad ones, and ones that just passed by without any real acknowledgment of the day at all.

Today, perhaps in honor of the holiday, Jillian was a bit of a mess. We went to mom and me yoga, where the sling count is VERY high ( I proudly walked in with my bjorn), and Jillian had a spazz attack. Then many we dealt with many boohoos until bedtime. Boohoos are not conducive to studying. However, we did have some time for "happy baby" a.k.a "legs in the air, wave them around like you just don't care." See picture above.

Then a fellow soon to be divorcee came over for dinner. It was fun and delicious. I will say that while V-day has not been a priority holiday, it was a bit hard to see men walking around with flowers, etc. I never expected to be in this situation. A new mom, sitting alone on her bed, blogging. At least there are no tears . . . from me or big J.

I am also not a high-tech mom

In my last post, I used a (an?) url to upload the photo. A friend told me that I just have to drag the photo from the website to my desktop and it is saved as a jpeg. Doing this allows me to have a clean crisp photo to use. So here we go - this is the sling that I cannot figure out. I do love my MacBook.

An earth-mother I am not

So my mom bought me this sling for the baby. I tried to follow the directions to use it and failed miserably. Then I saw it came with a dvd of instructions. I watched this dvd about 5 times and still could not put Jillian in the sling in a manner that seemed (1) safe or (2) comfortable. Am I stupid? Perhaps. I think that I will just stick to the baby bjorn. The snaps are easy enough to figure out (they are color coded).

I feel like in SF, the bjorn is a bit yuppie and slings more crunchy. Yet again the universe is telling me which category I fall into. Nothing against the sling wearing mothers of the world. They might be the smarter moms anyway - they can figure out how to use the damn thing.

Let's Go Out and Kick Some CAN!

On my last flight, not only did I get to see "The Lake House," I also got to see "Gridiron Gang" starring the Rock. The movie was dubbed so that when someone said "ass" it was replaced with "can." It made for some ridiculous dialogue.

For example - the Rock, trying to motivate a kid to believe in himself, suits up and makes the kid ram into him until the kid knocks him "on his can." This involved the Rock repeatedly shouting "Come on! Knock me on my can!!!"

Also, the big motivational pre-game speech, again delivered by the Rock, ended with a big shout of "let's go out and kick some can!!!" Nothing appeals to rough and tumble kids like the opportunity to deliver a good can kickin'.

By the way, I totally plan to kick some can on the PA bar exam. And by kicking some can I mean hopefully passing.

WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Studying for the bar sucks. I have not cried (about the bar) yet, but the tears may be coming soon. Pennsylvania tests you on tax, and just recently added employment discrimination, partnerships and something else. I don't even care - I am just going to wing those. Hopefully a few years of being an attorney will get me through.

The first bar I took (July 2003) was NY. Studied for a whole summer and pretty much enjoyed myself. I like to study. I had a boyfriend who was a jerk, so I didn't see him that often which made plenty of time to study. The relationship didn't last. I am pretty sure he was cheating on me for most of it. The second bar was CA (July 2004). I was a newlywed and studied for about two weeks after work and on the weekends. Somehow managed to pass. The relationship has not lasted and . . . Now PA, while getting divorced, with stupid postpardum brain. I don't know if I can do it.

Yeah, I stuck that in there - I am getting divorced. Pretty cool, huh? I have known for a while, about 5 months, but haven't been ready to post about it. I figured it is like ripping off a bandaid. I guess I don't have to share at all, but it feels like a big thing right now. I am still debating posting the gory details. Stay tuned.

I guess that I have better luck with bars than boys. That is kind of sad.